My Adventure(s) on Twitter

The other day I was making triple decker grilled cheese at my buddies house, as per usual Monday night ritual. He told me of the most magical place, all while watching sports, just so you don’t get the wrong idea here, IT WAS BY NO MEANS A DATE. Anyways his story began with an introduction (as stories often do) that went a little something like this:

I give you the manliest of all sandwiches... The triple decker

“Damnit Braydin you burnt the bread again! By the way did you get Twitter yet like I told you?” To which I replied, “It’s not burnt it’s just deeply blackened, and what is this Tweeter you speak of?” “It’s Twitter not Tweeter, and how have you gone this long without knowing what Twitter is?” “Oh, sorry… TWITTER!” I sarcastically mumble, “And I don’t know I guess I’ve seen it on the internet, I just didn’t really see a need for it, what with Facebook and all.”


My friend (who wanted to remain nameless for some reason) Chris then proceeded to tell me about one of our other friends who recently got re-tweeted by somewhat of a celebrity. Our buddy tweeted to a Sports Center analyst who was in town signing books (I have no idea why, he told me but there was a mascot dancing in a hilarious fashion on the TV). So our buddy Tweeted him and asked him to come to the restaurant he works at and have some pizza, or “za” as he refers to it as. Apparently, as the story goes, said analyst came to the restaurant and enjoyed some “za”, and not only that but he re-tweeted our friend and claimed that the pizza was “Yummilicious”.


Needless to say I was impressed. “That’s the most amazing thing I have ever heard” I said unnecessarily loudly. “I am going to get a Tweeter account right now!”, “Dude for the last time it’s Twitter!” he replied.

Call it tweeter one more time I swear to God!

So I entered into the realm of 140 character status updates and pure narcissism. This took a few minutes because apparently tweeter and twitter are two different things. I eventually got to the real twitter (and I swear that’s the last time i’ll use that “tweeter/twitter” joke) and began following all types of people. People I had never even met (mostly celebrities) and also friends, and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, you know, like Facebook. At first I liked the idea of being able to see and read what celebrities are up to, I thought it was pretty cool….

Jake_Gyllenhaal tweet: Putting on my shirt... BTW I'm better than you in every way, shape and form

However I’ve now had Twitter for four days, and I’ve quickly learned that it is basically an advertising platform for narcissistic, and generally boring,  celebrities. I began following the famous vlogger “SXE phil” and discovered two things, 1) he tweets way too often (like three or four times a day, and 2) I really don’t care to hear from Phillip DeFranco three times every hour. I prefer to listen to Phil on his show, I don’t need to know that he is obsessed with “the Walking Dead” and Asian girls, mostly because he mentions those things on his show all the time. I don’t see the point of it all?

great internet show, not so great tweeter

When celebrity YouTuber didn’t turn out to my liking, I decided I’d follow a few of my favourite musicians or bands. I started by following Michael Bublé, because he is my man crush. The Killers, because I feel they are a very talented and interesting alternative band. And Katy Perry, because come on it’s Katy Perry, who wouldn’t follow her? I quickly learned that musicians use twitter for nothing other than to advertise new music and products, because apparently the media don’t do that enough. So another follow, another disappointment…

seriously, try and find me a bad picture of this man, I dare you!

I decided to follow a celebrity and actor who if nothing else I thought would give me a bit of a laugh every now and again, Mr. Dane Cook. Although not one of my favourite comedians, not even one of my top tens really, but twitter recommended me to follow him, so I conformed. He had one or two funny tweets, but most were just inappropriate descriptions of his day, essentially information that I really did not need nor did I want. Not too impressed I have to say…

Just. So. Inappropriate.

Alright so there’s one other category of  people I could follow, and that category is athletes. I decided to follow the one and only Wayne Gretzky. Unfortunately it turns out he’s the same as the musicians, all he does is update about stuff he’s in. I feel that his twitter is run by someone else though, I really don’t think “The Great One” really tweets all too often….

I would love to tweet, but my hands are just too busy with these trophies

So I’m now on twitter, with 14 people I follow, and 3 people following me. My three followers are friends of mine, and so far I have made 4 tweets and had 1 re-tweet, so, I’m not exactly the most popular dude on twitter. Which is a little upsetting because as mentioned in an older post, I’m a bit of a narcissist. Who knows though maybe it’s a good thing I don’t understand twitter, I mean can my life really be overly interesting?

"I am going to tweet about that"

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